She didn’t know when or how it happened, but Lucy must’ve somehow managed to get herself into her pyjamas and into bed, after the previous night’s ordeal. The hot sun came in through her window, onto her forehead, heating it uncomfortably. She opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. 11:30, it said.
What had happened, last night? She remembered going to the bar, talking to Alex – to Alex. What else had they – Oh, no. Oh, God. Lucy pushed the warm covers off of her body and slid out of bed.
In her tiny room was her bed, her dresser, her easel and, hanging by the door, a full-length mirror. She went to the mirror. Her makeup was still on, only slightly smudged, and her hair extremely dirty. She saw no signs of further activity with Alexander, but was still rather uneasy, wondering if she had done something she would regret.
What a fool, she was! She had meant just to help the guy out in a tough time, and she just made things worse! He had enough problems on his hands, and didn’t need a romantic downfall to make him feel worse! And what if he felt something for her? What if he thought that the kiss actually meant something? She’d hurt him even more, and maybe even have an unwanted suitor on her hands.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid!”
Lucy looked back into the mirror. She needed a shower. What if she bumped into him on the way to the bathroom? Why doesn’t she just take her clothes off now, to make the meeting even more awkward? Maybe do a little dance into the showers? Well, she has to go out some time. She probably won’t even see him. No, he’s probably at class.
Taking a deep breath, Lucy calmed herself down and took the doorknob. Exhaling, she turned it. Directly across from her room was the common room’s television, and sitting on the sofa was Alexander Goth.
“Shit.”
“Oh, hello,” Alexander said. The T.V. wasn’t even on.
“Hi, Alex.”
Alexander rose, and made his way to Lucy.
“Lucy,” he said, looking at his feet, “about last night.”
“Yeah. Alex, I think that maybe we were both a little drunk, and we-”
“Went too far, yeah.”
“Yeah,” Lucy said. “Uhh… Alex, exactly how far did we go?”
“We kissed!” Alexander said, slightly indignant.
“Right, just making sure,” Lucy said, and, her embarrassment powering her mouth like electricity, she continued at high speed, “I’d like to clarify that I’m not the sort of girl to throw herself at guys, like that. I don’t kiss people the first time I meet them, normally. I had actually never kissed anyone before, you know. I just said too much. Pretend I didn’t say that. Oh, God. I mean – Alex, I didn’t want that to happen, and it’s not why I talked to you. I just wanted to say hi when you were feeling down, and I made things worse. I’m sorry.”
“No, I understand,” Alexander replied. “I agree. We went too far, and it was silly of us. After we kissed, you backed away, and not long after retired. I know how you felt. I didn’t read into it. I think that what occurred last night was just two lonely, vulnerable people coming together.”
Lucy sighed, deeply relieved.
“Yes!” She said. “Exactly!” She gesticulated randomly in Alexander’s general direction.
They stood there, at her door, for a few moments, unsure of how to disengage. Finally, Lucy dismissed herself to the showers. In her absence, Alexander decided to retire to his room, in order to ensure that he not bump into Lucy again. After locking the door behind him, turned to see his desk, the computer on top of it, still on. He sent an E-mail to the registrar, declaring his major. Something made him decide on Psychology.
Refreshed by the steam, Lucy towelled herself dry, and wiped the condensation from the mirror above the sink, in order to apply her makeup. Lucy always felt better after a hot shower, and even that morning’s socially alienating and uncomfortable events were no match for the combined powers of hot water clean skin. This morning ritual had such a congenial effect that when Lucy left the dorm, fully dressed and smelling of flowers, she greeted the hot rays of sunshine with a smile and walked with a spring in her step around campus. This was most characteristic of Lucy Burb, and she had always been called a bouncing ray of sunshine, no matter where she went. In high school, she went to many parties, and was always the center of attention, making everyone laugh with her inexhaustible sense of humour, and would always find a way to cheer her friends up, when they were sad. Still, that morning had left a bad taste in her mouth, and so she decided to wash it away with something sweet – so she went to the campus coffee shop.
Lucy entered the shop to find three women standing in a group in front of the counter. One of them, a tall blonde, sighed loudly.
“Hey, Castor! Hurry up or I’ll Castor-ate you!”
A voice came from the back room: “Yeah, I’ve never heard that one, before.”
The blonde woman smirked.
“Oh, grow up,” said another girl, a brunette in a read sweater.
“Because you’re so grown up?” The blonde said, sardonically.
“Actually,” said a rather fat man with blonde hair, who then rose from a nearby sofa, “I think castration may be a fitting punishment: make the Greek House slave a eunuch.”
The brunette laughed quite hard, and the blonde stepped towards the man and caressed his unshaven fat face with her knuckles.
“Oh, Kev, you’re adorable, you know that?”
The man, Kevin, turned pink and mumbled incoherently.
Castor emerged from the back room, wearing glasses with green lenses, which matched the store apron he wore over his every-day clothes. He was carrying two enormous cans of coffee beans, which he emptied into a large grinder.
“I’m back!” he cried over the clamorous motor and crunching beans. “What’ll it be?”
“Yeah,” said the blonde, “I’ll have a double espress-”
“Yes, Tiffany?” Castor addressed the brunette.
“Oh, shut up,” the blonde said, as Tiffany laughed.
“No, you shut up.”
The brunette was not the one who spoke – it was the third woman, a very tan girl with black hair, who had been silent and, Lucy observed, rather sulky-looking up to this point. The blonde’s mouth hung open and her eyebrow stood cocked in disbelief. Tiffany the brunette sighed and put her hands on her face. Quickly, Castor broke the tension.
“So, what’re you having?”
“Double espresso,” said the blonde.
“Chai Tea Latte,” said Tiffany.
After a moment, Brittany, still rather sulky, said “Brewed coffee. Black.”
In the silence that followed, the three girls looked around themselves and, Lucy could see, wondered why they even bothered trying to stay together in a group.
After Castor gave the girls their drinks, he removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Putting his glasses into the apron pocket, he turned to Lucy.
“Hey. What’ll it be?”
Lucy was going to order, but noticed that his eyes, like his glasses, were a deep green. He had long, curly brown hair in that perfectly messy, beachy manner, which complimented his innocent smile. This was all on top of a body that, Lucy could see through the apron, was, in a word, ‘scrumptious’. Scrumptious? Oh, yes! She still had to order.
“I’ll have a café au lait and a slice of that pound cake.”
Coming up,” Castor said. He made the motions of readying her order, and, as he ducked into the dessert display, Lucy saw the blonde girl approach her with a smirk on her face.
“Hot, eh?” she asked.
Lucy laughed, slightly embarrassed.
“Oh, don’t be embarrassed, girl! I know that look. Girls have their tastes, and Castor’s everybody’s taste, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I was this close to ordering him instead of my pound cake.”
“He’d probably be sweeter.”
The two laughed. Lucy loved making people laugh, and thought that she may want to get to know these girls better.
“I’m Heather.”
“Hi, I’m Lucy.”
This exchange about Castor reminded Lucy unpleasantly of Alex. She grimaced and pushed it from her awareness. When her order came, she sat with Heather and introduced herself to the other girls.
Heather, Tiffany and Brittany, Lucy quickly learned, were the soul members of Sim State University’s Tri-Vaar sorority. Tiffany and Heather were both relatively light-hearted girls, and laughed readily at Lucy’s jokes, but Brittany was almost completely quiet and laughed very rarely, and, evidentially, in spite of herself.
When everyone had finished their drinks, the sorority girls excused themselves and parted – but Heather stayed behind to speak to Lucy privately. As the two left the shop, Heather said,
“Lucy, I should say: if you’re interested in Castor, that’s fine. As I said, he’s everybody’s taste. Normally I’d tell you to go for it, but in this case – well, you’d stir up a lot of drama if you did, and I never thought I’d say this, but it’s not worth it.”
“Oh, I wasn’t actually considering it-”
“That being said,” Heather interrupted, “I don’t want to hear that kind of talk. If you like somebody, go for it. That’s my philosophy.”
“What?” said Lucy, “How can that work? How can everybody go for whoever they want? That doesn’t really make sense.”
Heather shook her head.
“Lucy, you’re an art major. I’m a drama major. We thrive on passion, on emotion – that’s the key to our work. That’s what it is to be human. Have you ever heard of that guy, like, Epicurus? There was a cool dude. He had it right: death is the end, and we only have a limited time until then, so we should enjoy it. Your senses, your emotions – it’s all a part of who you are, and what you do. Enjoy the arts, enjoy your passions and enjoy the world. Obviously, there are places where it’s not worth it to do whatever you want – Epicurus even said that it’s important to know when to stop, that’s just common sense – but our society, right now, is just so up-tight. Don’t care about what people think, Lucy, and just do it.”
Lucy thought about this. Her mother would certainly disapprove. Oh, why does she care about what her mother thinks? She’s away from that self-absorbed woman, now. The idea does seem appealing. And she knows when to stop – normally. The thought of Alexander crept back into her head, the image of his closed eyes coming closer to hers, their lips slowly parting – no! She looked directly back at Heather.
“I call it the ‘Think Pink’ philosophy – light-hearted, fun, but still sensible. It’s really the way to live.”
Judging by the clothes Heather had put on that morning, she certainly was ‘thinking pink’. Still, something about it didn’t sit well with Lucy – but she wasn’t sure if it was her thinking that, or her mother. Why did she feel so uneasy about this? Thoughts of Alex returned, and closed in on her. She felt trapped within them, and claustrophobic, the unpleasant memories squeezing the breath from her chest. Once again, she distracted herself.
“You know,” Lucy said, “that’s not such a bad idea.”
“You know,” Heather responded, “it’s really not.”
For the next several months, Lucy and Alexander did not speak. As it was characteristic of herself, Lucy distracted and distanced herself from their awkward situation. Alexander, meanwhile, escaped into his studies, at which he excelled, and into solitude. Unlike Lucy, however, he could not forget. That kiss they shared was not, as Alexander had told Lucy, and as he tried to tell himself, meaningless. He did feel something, that night, and even as he lost touch with Lucy, that feeling remained. When they crossed in the dorm, though he tried to look away, and to avoid her, but he still could not help but want to approach her. It wasn’t love, he told himself. It was just friendship. He wanted to be Lucy’s friend, because she had been the first person ever to reach out to him. His heart was far from aflame, he thought. This was true – but even in the darkness of his solitude, there burned a candle. It was characteristic of Lucy to forget, but it was characteristic of Alexander to remember.
Lucy, over that time, excelled in her studies, but was more apt to skip class and use her rapidly expanding influence (for it was widely known that she was a friend of the Tri-Vaar Sorority, and was very likely to be invited to join) to persuade others into writing portions of her papers for her. She even, much to the excitement of Heather, became romantically involved with an extremely good-looking student named Alan. Alan was a rather serious man, a biology major, with a cleft chin and dark eyes, hair and skin. He was also an avid athlete, with a very muscular build. His relationship with Lucy was never particularly stable, but they enjoyed each other’s company enough to stay together for some time. Despite her efforts to forget Alexander, she made sure that he never found out.
By December, however, much of this changed: Lucy’s romance was still secret, but the air between her and Alexander had cleared, thanks to an encounter they shared with a snowman.
In November, the campus was thick with snow, and near Christmas, Lucy decided that she would make a snowman in front of the dorm, to greet entering students. She had nearly finished, when Alexander appeared on the porch.
“Hi,” he said, not thinking.
Lucy, terrified at the sound of his voice, thrust a carrot into the side of her snowman’s face.
“Hi,” she responded, not looking.
“Here,” Alexander said, “his nose is crooked.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“Do you have anything for arms?”
“I’m going to take some branches from those pine trees, there.”
“Oh, okay.”
They stood there for a few moments, unsure of what to say.
“How are your classes doing?” Alexander asked.
“Oh, pretty well. I’m really enjoying my program.”
“Wonderful. So am I.”
“You’re in, what, physics?”
“No, Psychology. I decided on psychology.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
Alexander peered at the snowman.
“You know, his chest is a little uneven.”
“Is it? Oh, it is. Here, I’ll fix that.”
Together, they disassembled the snowman and made each portion perfectly round. During this process, there was much laughter, and by the time they had repaired the snowman, their relationship was repaired, as well.
The next few weeks were extremely happy for Alexander. The final exams and papers found him in his academic element, and his returned friendship with Lucy gave him a lighter heart than he had had for a very long time. His unusual levity, particularly when with Lucy, made it impossible for him to deny his feelings for her any longer, and, as he could no longer keep it secret, he made out to tell her, on the last day of exams.
While Lucy sat her final exam, Alexander ate lunch in the cafeteria, which was situated directly to the right of the dorm’s entrance. As she came in, he rose to greet her.
“How’d it go?”
“Good,” she said. “Quite good. I think I aced it.”
“Great,” Alex responded. He was silent, for a moment. Mentally, he kicked himself. Why was he standing there? He had to tell her. He had to force himself. This was the moment he was waiting for – DO IT!
“Lucy,” Alex said. Someone turned on the radio at the far end of the cafeteria and some salsa music played loudly.
“Yes?” Lucy enquired.
“Lucy, do you like this song?” Alex asked, indicating the radio.
“Yes, actually, I do.”
“You know what you like,” Alexander observed. “I’ve definitely noticed that about you.”
Lucy never understood that term, nor what it was to be someone who ‘knows what she likes’, nor whether it was a compliment, and so made a non-committal grunt.
“That’s something I wish I knew,” Alex pursued. “Everything’s uncertain with me. You know what else, Lucy?”
Lucy did not.
“You’re the kind of person who doesn’t care what people think. When you want to do something, you go out and do it. That’s another thing I wish I could do. Even when I know what I want, I’m too worried about what’ll happen to ever do it. I think I may emulate you, in that respect.”
“What?” Lucy exclaimed, thinking of Alan, unwanted pangs of guilt pinching the back of her neck, “No, I don’t know about that.”
“It’s free, Lucy. Something I’ve never really been. Maybe you have regrets, but everyone has regrets. You’ve made me discover some things about myself. I’ve figured out some things I like. Like dancing.”
Suddenly, Lucy remembered the way she felt, that warm September evening, with Alexander Goth, the beautiful artist, the eloquent poet, the creative genius; she recalled what she saw in his face when he played in the bar, and why she let him kiss her.
“Do you want to dance?” Alex asked. Asking this, he felt awkward and self-conscious; the cafeteria was mostly empty, but there were a few people there, who could easily observe him make a fool of himself – but, no, Alexander forced himself.
Lucy forgot about Alan, and, feeling a rush of emotion, laughed, and danced with Alex. Alexander was stiff, at first, but as he and Lucy danced closer to each other, he became more comfortable, and freed his movements. As the song ended, they stopped dancing, and Alexander, acting, for once on impulse, touched Lucy’s face, and drew her towards him for a tender kiss.
At that moment, there was a yell audible from behind the glass door of the main entrance. Lucy pulled herself away at the sound.
Alan threw the door open and ran through.
“Who’s this?” He bellowed.
“Who’s that?” Alexander asked.
Lucy’s eyes darted nervously between the two men.
“Alan, this – Alex, uhh…”
“Lucy!” Alexander exclaimed, looking upon the woman with hurt eyes, “You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”
“What?” Alan shouted. “How long has this been going on?”
“No!” Lucy cried, “No! Alan, I haven’t been-” she tried to find a way to word the sentence without hurting Alex. “Alan, it’s not…”
Alexander turned red.
“Oh, my God, I didn’t know – I’m… Lucy, had I known that I was unwanted, I-”
“Alex, no! You’re not unwanted, I mean-”
“He’s not, is he?” Alan said, still furious. “Well, what do you mean?”
Lucy felt very nearly like crying: she was trapped in her worst nightmare, without a hope for escape. A thought then hit her.
“I mean I’m leaving! Goodbye!” Lucy ran from the building. She ran down the road, and made her way to the Tri-Vaar sorority house. She rang the doorbell.
“Lucy!” Tiffany cried, as she opened the door.
“Hi,” Lucy said. “Are you still looking for a new member?”
Alexander, meanwhile, explained his situation to Alan and resumed his solitude in his room, which he decided was far too busy for his liking. He decided that, if he were to get enough scholarship money that semester, he would move into a private residence, and spend the rest of his studies in solitude. He was simply not cut out for campus life.
